Undead Living #5: Back from the Gates of Hell

Greeting ghoulings, boy has it been forever since I’ve last seen your pretty faces. Oh, don’t look so confused, of course I know what you all look like. Every single one of you… Anyways, that’s besides the point. The important thing is that I’m back! It’s been almost a year since I disappeared from these parts of the internet and I do humbly apologize to you all for my sudden hiatus. You see a lot has been going on in the last 11 months or so that have served as quite the eye opener to an undead fellow like myself. In short, you living things are absolutely crazy! I mean, I thought my kind had a few loose screws here and there, what with our brains being partly decayed and all. But no, you daywalking fleshlings take the cake. I mean, the amount of drama and headache-inducing bullshit I had to deal with these “people”, many of whom I once counted upon the ranks of friendship (yes ghoulings, I actually do have friends. There are some humans in this world sick enough to amuse me.) is absolutely astounding.

Undead Living #4: Vampires, Werewolves and Psychos, How Dull!

Greeting my fellow ghoulings.

I hope you all have been dreadfully well in my absence. The mortal world is a tasking one that required much of my attention so I bid for thy forgiveness for ignoring the lot of you. But I’ve return from my hiatus (a skill most zombies have) with a new rant, this time directed at a dying genre: horror.

You see the other week I managed to watch 47 episodes of the Marble Hornets series on Youtube within the span of two nights. For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, Marble Hornets is an ARG (Alternate Reality Game) where viewers follow the terrifying story of Jay, a film student who rediscovered a bunch of tapes that were left to him by his old friend and aspiring film director, Alex, roughly three years ago. The tapes contained footage of an indie film Alex and Jay worked on called “Marble Hornets,” a substandard film about a twenty-something year old returning back to his childhood home or something.

The film itself isn’t that important. What is important were the strange occurrences that were caught in a few of those tapes. A couple of them were distorted or lost audio, but the truly creepy ones held a more disturbing image. A ridiculously tall, strange faceless man in a black suit is seen wandering around in the background of the film. At first he didn’t really do anything but appear on film, presumably looking into the camera (though since we never see his face or he just doesn’t have one, we don’t know what he’s doing). After a few tapes, however, the creature begins to do some really creepy things and interacts with Alex. Alex eventually goes nuts and leaves the area, leaving Jay with the evidence of what occurred. Jay begins to investigate the tapes, putting up the creepy ones on Youtube, and tries to figure out what is going on. But, as he digs deeper and deeper into this mystery, he soon learns there are forces out there that wish to hinder his progress, like the creepy Masky (a man who wears a white mask) and the tall freakshow himself.

Behold the non-face of evil!

Undead Living #3: Night of the Living Doctors

Greetings my fellow ghouls to another edition of Undead Living. I will start today’s post with a complaint I hold very dear to my non-beating heart. There is a menace that stalks my college campus; a terror that I’m sure swarms the campuses of many other colleges as well. The horror of which I speak of preys upon students like myself, stalking us around every corner, luring us in with promises and gifts, and then sucking away at our blood like a drunk on St. Patty’s Day. And if you manage to escape from these vampires, they plague you with the slow rotting dread known as guilt.

Now before you take out your stash of garlic, wooden stakes, and copies of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD, know that I do not speak of the undead monstrosities of which I simply adore. No, I speak of another creature scarier than any zombie with a blood fetish. I speak of the blood donor specialists.

Undead Living #2: How My Friend DESTROYED My Cherry

Okay my little ghouls here’s the second edition of Undead Living, and before the gears in your dirty little minds begin to turn (don’t tell me they weren’t), allow me to elaborate. Last night I attended my first concert ever and let’s just say my musical virgin was bound, gagged and gang-raped. Allow me to start from the beginning.

Undead Living Entry # 1: Vampire LARPing

Greeting Ghoulings to the first entry to the Undead Living section of the blog, the personal blog-within-the-blog of yours truly, Sir Jeffrey of the Pen. Tonight, I take you on a journey through the mysterious, murky and somewhat nerdy world of Vampire LARPing. LARPing stands for Live-Action Role Playing, and consists of people getting together at a location and acting out in a role-playing game. The players assume the roles of characters (in this case: vampires or werewolves) that they’ve created and interact with other players in an alternate world of our own.